Turf Wars

Last week we covered the anticipated war at Wheeler Park (Vista School) between the Junior All-American Football and the Claremont Stars soccer club. Like most gang rumbles, this one was about turf. Specifically, the practice turf at Vista where the teams were to practice. The Claremont Stars had "historical rights", but the Junior All-American Football league had juice on the Sports Committee which allocates fields. Thus, as we hear it, the Stars lost a day to the young gridiron guys.

We hadn't heard the outcome. Our correspondent must have been seriously injured in the melee because all attempts to contact him were unsuccessful. However, we received this special report from war correspondent Mary Noonan who had been in the thick of the action:



From the way she describes it, the Stars really kicked some booty, and besides that trash-talked the 13-and-under Peewees, Elfs [sic], Midgets, Shrimps, Teeny-tinies, Gremlins, Leprechauns, Nanos, Small-worlders, Hobbits, Tinkerbells, Lollipops, and Dwarves (various age groups of the JAAF).

Here is the victorious generalissimo, John Hall, President of the Claremont Stars, walking off the field after his glorious victory. He didn't even have to loosen his tie. Way to go against those 13-and-unders!